ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
