god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
