best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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