Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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