He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize