i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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