the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
