he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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