My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize