We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
