Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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