why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
