The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
