My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I puked a lego.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize