I wish I could teleport
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
