I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize