I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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