If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
