His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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