I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and she was petting her beer can
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
