mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
