I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
