Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
