mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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