Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
