I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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