I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
