Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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