What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Me. At least after what I've been through.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
