pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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