i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
