We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
