so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
