How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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