I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Holy shit dude........stairs
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