do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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