I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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