can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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