he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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