Don't make out with my wife yet
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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