Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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