The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
