dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
