Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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