Define "chronic" masturbator.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
