roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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