I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
