I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Barsexuality is the new black.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
