just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize