Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
