I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
