Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
