Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
