well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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