Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
