My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
