i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
