Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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