dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
