Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
