Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
