I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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