Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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