I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
