just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize