For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
