Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
