As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This house was built for laser tag.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
