Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
