Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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Do I have a choice?
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize