I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
