Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
